Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
