why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
