It's like God shit irony all over that family
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
