It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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