I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize