My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
