he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
