I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
