He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize