Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
