Just cropdusted the office
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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