You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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