did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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