Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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