Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
