Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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