First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
