dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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