i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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