you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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