I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
