dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
