Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The air was thick with penises
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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