Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
