Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
