The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He shit in the fireplace
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
