The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
