I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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