your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
