I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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