the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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