my mouth tastes like poor choices
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
