I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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