The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
