He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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