spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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