I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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