That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
