Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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