I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
why do cheetos always look like penises
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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