I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
