There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
