Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
