put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
