In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
