the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
