How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize