I hate all girls vehemently.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
