My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
