Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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