i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
