are you still at the devil's house?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize