I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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