last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
