Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
