it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
whose parrot is this?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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