ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
