i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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