walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
