she was so not down for the gang bang
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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