i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
