I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
